Quake with benefits

The northern parts of India were rocked by an earthquake around 1 PM on 5th March, 2012. Almost immediately after, the event was on the news, with channels outdoing each other in bringing meaningful and informative coverage to viewers.

The Daily News channel reported :

The earthquake was felt by people. People in cities and towns across the length and breadth of the impacted area felt the earthquake. People felt the earthquake in both offices and homes. In fact, the earthquake was felt even in tea-shops and restaurants and malls. The quake lasted for ten seconds. People felt the earth shake for close to ten seconds. The shaking felt by people lasted between eight and twelve seconds in most places. Not only did it last for ten seconds inside offices and homes, even on the road it could be felt for eighth to twelve seconds. The quake was felt in Delhi and adjoining states like Haryana and Uttar Pradesh. The quake was also felt in Haryana and adjoining states like Uttar Pradesh and Delhi.

This broadcast was repeated every five minutes so that the many different messages could sink in.

The Now or Never channel reported :

People ran out of their offices. People also ran out of their homes. In fact, people ran out of wherever they were to someplace else. People in offices ran into homes. People inside homes ran onto roads. People on the road ran into offices. Not only did they shake themselves, people could also see things shaking. In offices people could see that things that were normally stationary were shaking. What finally convinced them that this was a quake was that all the old stuff inside the office, like ceiling fans, old furniture, cabinets, etc. which creak and shake in daily use, stopped creaking and shaking all of a sudden. The emergency preparedness of the local government, last tested less than two weeks back, should be lauded. People ran here and there as soon as the earthquake struck.

In keeping with the information that was being provided at different levels of detail, and in view of the informative nature of the content, this broadcast was repeated every three minutes.

In a remarkable demonstration of maturity and restraint, religious leaders of different faiths, in places where the quake caused destruction and damage, otherwise always at loggerheads, spoke in one voice and blamed it on people’s lack of reverence for God and their habits of wanton greed and excess. According to them this act of God had been unleashed to punish them that even they, leaders of faith with a hotline to God, were powerless to control.

In places where the temblor did not cause any damage, religious leaders of different faiths have claimed that death and destruction had been averted because of the proactive measures they undertook and their invocation of divine help. As leaders of different faiths have claimed credit for the non-destruction to their own measures, communal riots have broken out between followers of different faiths in support of their leaders’ claims. The death and destruction toll in these places is far higher than any place damaged by the earthquake.

In a news conference called by The Fictitious Company Ltd., their spokesperson has lauded the vision and decision-making skills of their CEO who has managed to save hundreds of lives of employees and millions in damage to company property.

This momentous saving has been achieved by not deciding to move the headquarters of the company, where a large number of people work, from Mumbai to Bahadurgarh, a small dusty town in the state of Haryana where the epicentre of the temblor lay and where damage has been caused by the quake, almost a thousand miles away from the glitz and glamour of Mumbai, the country’s financial services and movie-making capital.

This large saving assumes special significance in view of the fact that it has been realised despite the move to shift to Bahadurgarh never ever having been considered by The Fictitious Co. Ltd.

The Fictitious Company has also announced the relocation from Bahadurgarh of the factory that was never going to be set-up there. The company has also promised shareholders to not take even more decisions, considering that not deciding to move to Bahadurgarh has been such a game-changer.

Other companies, including competitors, have complimented The Fictitious Co. on their achievement and far-sightedness. In fact, after this announcement, many other companies have also discovered their own savings in the form of the factory they did not locate in Bahadurgarh, the Research Centre they located elsewhere, and the Board meeting that was held overseas.

In a late development, it is learnt that the Chamber of Commerce and Industry has planned a celebration on account of the tremendous savings that have accrued to business on account of not having moved anything to Bahadurgarh. The CEO of The Fictitious Company Ltd. will be felicitated at this function for his contribution to industry. The Chamber is said to be considering setting up a high-powered special sub-group with responsibility for petitioning and invoking the wrath of the Gods more often so that more such catastrophic events may be unleashed leading to improvement in companies’ financial position.

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10 thoughts on “Quake with benefits

    • Thank you. The political one is an unexplored angle. After the “tectonic shift” took place, the SP has blamed the BSP for their mascot (elephant) running amok in hordes after the announcement of results, causing a mild tremor.
      Separate from the quake, there is talk of UP being renamed Puttar Pradesh afer Akhilesh Yadav’s sterling performance. It is learnt that Congress was also consiering renaming the state Puttar Pradesh, in anticipation of an easy victory led by Rahul. A rare instance of political parties agreeing.

  1. Huh ! I am sorry if I have offended any sensibilities.
    In my defence, I will say that the first line “The northern parts of India were rocked by an earthquake around 1 PM on 5th March, 2012” is factual.

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