I hope that some day I am in a position to complain. And complain big.
In fact, I have charted out my life in order of complaints that I would like to be able to make, with milestones defined at five-yearly intervals so that I can track progress and take corrective action, if the situation so demands.
By the age of 30, I should have been able to complain that
- I have so many customers wanting my time and attention that I have no personal time left
By the age of 35, I should have been able to complain that
- My employer insists on loading me with additional responsibilities, wants me to participate in all meetings and handle all important assignments
By the age of 40, I should have been able to complain that
- I have to pay a huge amount of Income tax
By the age of 45, that
- The fourth house I bought last year, on the beach, is going to seed because the caretaker is a slacker
- The hike in the price of aviation turbine fuel is making it increasingly expensive to fly my private plane
By the age of 50, that
- I don’t have enough parking space for my eight cars, ever since I added the two sports cars last year to the fleet
- The oil struck on my property is spilling over and destroying the vegetation on that piece of land and reducing my agricultural income
By the age of 55, that
- No commercial airline flies to the string of remote islands I own in the middle of the Indian Ocean forcing me to fly in my private jet
- I haven’t been able to get a parking space for my Yacht
By the age of 60, that
- My children are comfortably settled in their worlds of choice and don’t depend on me for anything
- I have to spend a fortune to guard all the original masterpieces I own, the Van Gogh, the Monet, and many others.
By the age of 65, that
- My stable of thoroughbred race-horses has not delivered a big win in over six months
By the age of 70, that
- I am forever forgetting the names of the artists whose artwork I own, since there are so many of them, and getting mixed-up in the names, like Manet and Monet, resulting in buying the wrong artist occasionally
If I have been able to complain as per the timeline I have defined for myself, there may not be scope for making any further complaints, unless it is to complain that I no longer have any complaints.
Complaining is surely under-rated.
darkofficehumour 
I wish to complain that the five year complaining cycle should start from 25. So everything 5 years before. 😉
Ha ha ! The only complaint I have with that is that the possibility of missing milestones may begin five years earlier.
Well done, sir!
Thank you for visiting and for your comments.
I complain that I keep forgetting what I am supposed to complain about. This would not be hard but I lost my “resentment” list and have to start a new one.
Have you reached the stage where you have nothing to complain about ? Struggling to find my way there.
A fabulous dream list. Now you must set goals to accomplish those that are the most important in your life.
Thank you. One continuing struggle is to establish what is important. Material possessions seem to be imporant because, in a way, they are easy to identify and even reach. Unfortunately, many a time, when one gets there, the outcome is disappointing. But, let me not complain, I think the whole point is about the journey, not so much the destination.
I wouldn’t mind complaining about the slow lines in customs for all my traveling abroad. I’ve missed 30 to 55, so I’ll have to schedule that one for 60.
Ha ha ! And while at it, you could also complain that the free massage at some of the exclusive airport lounges you have access to, has often put you to sleep, leading to flight misses.
Looks like you are also gearing up to complain that you have had to fit in all your complaints from 60 onwards.
Thanks for visiting and commenting.
I’m just about getting started on the journey, Sir. I suspect, given my skeptical leanings, my complaining tendencies could likely accelerate with time. I hope to suitably temper it with doses of humour.
Enjoyable read, as always!
PS: I’d recommend this book, Grumpy Old Men by Stuart Prebble in case you haven’t read it already. It is a humourous take on everyday grumpiness. Though the title refers to old men, the books strikes a chord with those who have time on their side before entering the old category..
Thank you. I hope you get even more opportunity to complain on your journey than waht I have planned to !!
And thanks for the book recommendation. I recently read Catch 22 by Joseph Heller, thank to a recommendation through this column. Turned out to be highly satirical and sarcastic and, as a result, thoroughly enjoyable. Will look up your recommendation soon.
Catch 22 is a classic. I have a friend, Ian. A favourite irritant that I frequently direct at him is ‘Sorry Ian, but you aren’t YosorryIan!’..after the main character in Heller’s gem. 🙂