O Captain! My Captain!

On the eve of the away Test series against South Africa, the captain of the national cricket team got into a freewheeling discussion with a leading daily. He was in a relaxed and expansive mood. He had every reason to be relaxed, as the team had just successfully suffered another rout in an away series in ODIs (One day internationals).

Produced below are extracts from this conversation.

Interviewer: You have achieved a lot at a very young age. What do you now look forward to when you play?

The captain broke into a half-smile. He said: When you play for the country, the job is never done. Each day brings a new challenge. I am looking forward to leaving behind a legacy that people will remember.

Interviewer: Does that mean you are looking at retirement soon?

Captain: One has to face retirement sooner or later. I have made contributions on the field. Now, I have come to that stage of my career where I will be selected to play without making any contribution, purely because of my past performances and the love people have for me, so that they can debate in offices and coffee-shops about my retirement and offer their advice. Such is the price one has to pay for fame and success in our country.

Interviewer: That will be quite a change. The paying public has got so used to seeing you in the middle, not having a clue about what to do, especially when playing on fast and bouncy pitches overseas, as in the ongoing series.

Captain: Well, things change.

Interviewer: Back to the question of legacy. Do you have any short-term goals for the team?

Captain: I would like to restore cricket in our country to its rightful position. We have made a start in the right direction by losing the last two away series’. And we did not leave things to chance. We lost both series by convincing margins of 0 – 4 so as to leave no room for doubt. After all, we claim to be the best team in the world. If we don’t lose in style, who will? The upcoming Test series against South Africa provides us with a golden opportunity to build on this success and make it three away series losses in a row. And, in between, we even managed to lose a series at home. Which team can beat that?

Interviewer, nodding his head: I can empathise with that. As you know very well, there was a period, a few years back, when there was a threat that the team will buck the trend and become a world-beating team. In fact, the influence was so strong that even when you became captain they continued to win matches.

The captain, with a deep sigh: You have seen the terrible times we have been through. There was a time when things were so bad that some of our teams had even started winning overseas. Such things will happen from time to time.

Interviewer: But how did things become so bad? Who do you think is responsible?

The Captain: Though different people will have different views, I think that we have to blame two batsmen who happened to play together in the same team. We could have handled one but with two of them together, backed by a bold captain, some victories could not be avoided. But that is providence. It is rare that two batsmen of this calibre happen to play for the same team at the same time. You can only try to minimise the impact. With both of them now retired, we are back in contention, as the ODI matches in the current series have shown.

Interviewer: Any advice to young cricketers?

Captain: What can one say? Youngsters these days have their own mind. They will not listen to advice. There is a young cricketer from UP who has hired a former player as personal trainer. Such dedication is uncalled for and unheard of. ‘This is not tennis’ I have told him, ‘where you need to keep running hard and hitting for hours at a stretch. This is cricket’. If he continues to practice and hone his skills even in the off season, when will he have time to do the ad shoots which all of us cricketers owe to our adoring fans. He says the sport pays him well enough to engage a personal trainer. Such dedication could shake the foundation of the sport in our country. It needs to be nipped in the bud. And if he gets paid well enough, he should open a restaurant like some of our illustrious predecessors have done. Or buy motorcycles without really needing them, as some others have done.

Interviewer: Do you have a message for your fans?

Captain: Our countrymen have made us proud and have contributed their mite towards our achievements. The more we lose, the more they love us.

We (cricketers) love you too. Please turn up in large numbers for my last match which will be held in Ranchi. I guarantee we will bring the weakest team to play that match against.

Interviewer: Any suggestions for the future of cricket in this country?

Captain: We are lucky to have an engaged and proactive Cricket Board guiding the fortunes of the game. They have been quite busy looking for countries to teach cricket to so that we can beat them. Being financially strong, they might even start their own countries. I understand the country’s maiden Mars mission has been partially funded by the Cricket Board. In case any organisms are found to exist on Mars, we will teach them cricket and organise a series. I don’t think the paying public will notice.

Interviewer: Finally, back to the question of legacy. Is this how you would like to be known as? The guy who managed to lose three away series in a row and restored cricket to its rightful position in our country?

The captain looks up at the ceiling, then in the distance. You could see a smile coming to his lips. He knew what he had to work towards. He finally spoke: I think more can be done. We lost the last two by 0 – 4 margins. Unfortunately the present series only has two matches. But, perhaps, we can try to lose a two match series by a 0 – 3 margin. That will surely be difficult to beat.

With that, he got up, shook hands, and went away.

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18 thoughts on “O Captain! My Captain!

  1. Interviewer: There’s something terribly wrong here. You’ve brought our cricket tradition to disgrace, to its knees. Such irreconcilable losses! You call this a legacy?

    Captain: Ha’re bai, spoken like a journalist. Don’t you see, I’ve brought it down so low, that the only way is to go UP! Can you imagine if we’ve become world champions? Why, the youngsters will have a hard time matching our achievement. This is not the way to nurture and motivate the young.

    Interviewer: Acha! I’m getting your strategy now.

    Captain: I’m retiring and going into politics next – to leave behind a legacy there also. You know, as patriots, we’ll have to play our part.

    • That man still has aces up his sleeve.
      He knows Sachin is a nominated member of Parliament where he has all the oldies fawning over him.
      Won’t be surprised to see a post, or a poem, in Hindi soon from Eric.

  2. Not knowing the tradition of cricket in India, I started believing what I was reading! You did it quite convincing (until, of course, I saw through your fine imitation of someone being reasonable).

  3. “O captain my captain our fearful trip is done,
    The ship has weathered every rail, the prize we sought is won,
    The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting……..
    ….But O heart! heart! heart!
    O bleeding drops of red,
    Where on the deck my captain lies
    Fallen cold and dead…”

    • Unsurprisingly, you identified the inspiration for the post. In fact, I had originally written the post as a poem, based loosely on the Whitman masterpiece. But, alas, my poetic ambitions were nipped in the bud when I showed it to my teenage son. Hasty retreat is what I beat to my standard prose.

  4. BCCI ha plans to bring down the South African pacers to the earth. In the ensuing auction at IPL for players, franchisees have been informally told that the bids for each Indian pace bowler should be more than one million USD and not more than two hundred thousand USD for each Protea fast bowler. This is line with IPL philosophy of T20 being a batsmen’s game giving maximum entertainment to the spectators.

    • Unfortunately some of the youngsters do not seem to have any respect for tradition. They seem to be losing the art of playing and missing. And ducking blindly into bouncers. I worry about the future of cricket in our country.

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