The country finally celebrated the success of its maiden mission to Mars, more than two weeks after the event. And how. One of the world’s largest e-commerce sites, that recently started operating in India, showed the way by launching its “Mission to Mars Celebration Dhamaka” (Dhamaka, for the Hindi unfamiliar readers, is equivalent to “blast”, in the celebration sense).
I received an email announcing the celebration, with a “Start here” button prominently displayed to convince the unconvinced. Call me a space nut if you will, but I wasted no time in joining the celebration. I clicked on the “Start here” button without wasting any time.
It was a revelation. Truly “out of the world”.
I could buy books to celebrate the success of the Mars mission or I could buy watches. I could buy Kindles to celebrate the success of the Mars mission or I could buy iPads. I could buy luggage to celebrate the success of the Mars mission or I could buy mobiles. I could buy T-shirts to celebrate the success of the Mars mission or I could buy toys. There was nothing that could not be bought. Brought tears to my eyes. I would never have imagined that the country’s maiden mission to Mars would enable me to buy so many things that I did not need for routine discounts. I am only now beginning to grasp the enormity of the achievement of the Mars mission. I had taken it as a routine scientific mission to Mars to discover new things, validate theories and generally look for ways to further man’s knowledge and frontiers. But it was, clearly, much bigger. Thank you aaaaaa.in.
I placed my order for the shoes and T-shirts that I did not need. I was not going to hold back from celebrating this important milestone in the country’s space endeavours. But before clicking the “Buy” button, I carefully scanned the site for any hints of support for the Mars mission or for future endeavours of the Indian Space Reasearch Organisation (ISRO). There were none. I heaved a sigh of relief. I could buy without fear of paying extra. Don’t get me wrong. I am a strong supporter of the Mars mission. But paying extra for stuff I don’t need? No way.
Expectedly, many others have started walking down the path so selflessly blazed by aaaaaa.in, and launched their own celebrations to mark the historic achievement.
Builders have started asking people to buy property to celebrate the Mars mission. Car-dealers have started asking people to buy cars to celebrate the Mars mission. Restaurants have started asking people to eat more at their establishment to celebrate the Mars mission. TV manufacturers have started asking people to buy TVs to celebrate the Mars mission. There is no stopping the patriotic fervour now.
In fact, in tune with their global aspirations, businesses are understood to be looking for global events to celebrate.
Expect builders to ask people to buy property to celebrate Marin Cilic’s first US Open (tennis) win. Expect car-dealers to ask people to buy cars to celebrate Chelsea’s victory over Arsenal in the English Premier League football. Expect restaurants to ask people to eat more at their establishment to celebrate Stefan W. Hell, Eric Betzig and William E. Moerner being awarded the Nobel Prize for Chemistry. Expect TV manufacturers to ask people to buy more TVS to celebrate the reduction in the US fiscal deficit.
Ffffffff.com, India’s homegrown e-tailing behemoth, and the main competition to aaaaaa.in, went a step further. It launched its own celebration, “The Big Billion Day”.
Billion Day? Rings a bell?
Could they be celebrating the country’s population crossing a billion? Perhaps, but that happened several years back.
Could they be celebrating the presence of more than a billion stars in the firmament? Perhaps, but that has always been the case, even though no e-tailer may have celebrated it.
The distance between Earth and Mars? Possible, given the current flavour, but factually incorrect as the distance is less than a billion.
What else could it be?
It was reported that the company has recently raised a billion dollars for their expansion. Could it be that? Nah, too obvious.
Satisfied that there was no logical explanation for calling it the “Big Billion Day”, I eagerly logged in. It was bound to be fun. With lots of stuff to buy and lots of discounts, what else could it be?
Unfortunately, soon after the “Big Billion Day” dawned, the site crashed. The collective anguish of a billion shoppers could be heard on Mars. The promoters have sent out an email apologising for depriving folks of the joy of shopping for stuff they don’t need and for failing to add to their own wealth.
It was not enough. It could never be. The government has been forced to step in to investigate. They have promised to include the right to shop for stuff that I don’t need, at discounted rates, in the Fundamental rights of citizens enshrined in the Constitution, and protect it through suitable legislation.
The right to shop for stuff that I do not need, at discounted rates.
One of the greatest discoveries of the modern world. Worth protecting.
Great Post!
Thank you! Appreciate your support.
And we can provide an EMI option for the unnecessary things.
Good idea! So that it can become another good reason you can’t leave the job you hate.
Hello Ankur! We notice which stuff you bought recently, and we think you would also like this stuff….others who have bought this stuff have also bought the following stuff…..
Such a safe, secure and private medium, innit?
I can’t find the Like button for Cynthia. Sigh.
You could consider using 🙂
🙂
Great one Ankur! Do share your thoughts on Clean India as well! Look forward
Thanks Anoop. I think Clean India merits a book. A post may not do it justice 🙂
Hello Jacqui…you couldn’t possibly be as bad as I am at figuring out how to “like” a comment!:-) …and here’s one for Ankur, too 🙂
Thank you Cynthia. Strangely, I found a “Like” button when I viewed your Comment on my phone. I clicked on it. However, it does not show up on the blog 😦 Guess we will have to live with the 🙂 s.
Sounds like our national healthcare site. The more people who logged onto it, the more it crashed. ‘Affordable care’ for the masses became ‘too expensive for anyone with a job.
Thanks goodness I’m almost 65.
Sounds like a great strategy. Spend money building stuff that doesn’t work. Then spend more fixing it. And then some more. GDP will go through the roof. Central Bank governors around the world are drooling at the prospects 🙂
AND–hold no one accountable. Don’t forget that corollary.
How can you say that? It is someone’s fault. Someone else’s.
Hahaha! Love how u censored the names 😉 I am just glad they didn’t end up selling Jadoo of Koi Mil Gaya fame on discounted rates. ‘Buy 1 martian & get 30 % off on the other one’
I hope the website codenames are not easy to crack. Ha ha! Buy ET and get Jadoo free. Or, buy a Spielberg movie and get Rakesh Roshan free. Offer open till stocks last.
Can’t imagine these guys @ organ donor centers in hospitals.The guy goes to get a pair of eyes for his loved one & the nurse goes like ‘Users who got eyeballs also purchased kidney in this combo deal’ *guy stabs himself then & there*
Did he make his organs available for sale? Were they priced individually or did he manage to offer a combo deal before passing out? I hope his death will not be in vain.
Nice post! Where r you based? Do visit me at theyyoyandme.wordpress.com and toweararainbow.wordpress.com
Thank you for the kind words. I live in Gurgaon.
Thanks for following http://www.dicklannister.com and I love your site. Am now catching up on your previous posts. Humour topples the self centred, the cruel and most twits!!
Please don’t take it as a personal affront. It is only for the perverse pleasure of seeing some truths being spoken for a change 🙂
Shoulda spent $ on food and medicine. Mars will always be there. People won’t.
In my view one has to manage competing requirements. There have, perhaps, always been sections who would benefit from support on food and medicines.
What a great accomplishment. I congratulate you and the citizens of India on the Mars mission. The creative boost to the economy isn’t bad either.
Thank you! It is the celebration that counts.
What would any accomplishment be without celebration? Drink a few for me too.
🙂
I see things in India are the same as in the U.K. then 🙂 I celebrated the Indian space mission too but I’m terribly sorry that I did it the old fashioned way by talking about it with my friends and it never occurred to me to even look for things to buy which I didn’t need.
I am such a bad 21st century citizen. If I’m not going to get in debt buy junk I don’t need, just what am I meant to be doing here?!?!
‘Tis a shame such ignorance exists even in 2014. But, wise men say, the first step to a solution is recognition and admission. Now that that is done, do your bit towards making Jeff Bezos and others richer. That is what we are here for 🙂
That’s why Marketing is a hot favorite choice of management students! Apparently they are doing very well for themselves 🙂
Indeed! I hear IIM Ahmedabad is planning to introduce a new elective course on “making people feel good while relieving them of their money”.