Advance preparation

In the final analysis, the Indian cricket team managed a respectable showing in the recently concluded World Cup Cricket for One-day Internationals (ODIs), ending up as one of the two losing semi-finalists.

How that happened cricket pundits are still trying to figure out. Pretty much the same team that did not win a single game in the two months they spent in Australia prior to the World Cup, their undefeated progress to the semi-finals has become a bit of an enigma. Knowledgeable analyses like “they would have felt at home after so many days in Australia”, “playing Pakistan in the first match was the key”, “the team management helped them focus on the game” have been offered, giving us deep insights into winning cricket games.

But this is the hallmark of great teams. Up one day, especially when playing at home. Down the very next. Frequently giving up without a fight. Being consistent, especially when on a losing streak, particularly in unfamiliar conditions overseas.

While the armchair pundits continue their efforts at unravelling the mystery behind the team’s showing, the Board of Control for Cricket in India (BCCI), claiming responsibility for the World Cup performance, while maintaining a dignified silence on performance prior to the Cup, is not letting the cat out of the bag. Instead, demonstrating the leadership that has made it India’s richest sports body which apparently generates 80% of the revenue generated by the game all over the world, it has already hunkered down to the task of preparing for the next World Cup.

Their actions in the immediate aftermath of the recently concluded World Cup might also provide some clues on the turnaround in the team’s performance.

 As a start, the BCCI has lost no time in issuing guidelines to the Advertising Standards Council of India, the apex self-regulating industry body for advertising companies, that when a pretty girl calls a cricketer in an ad, she has to give him at least an hour to reach her. Five minutes will just not do, as was the case with a TV ad of a tyre company where a girl had the cheek to ask the vice-captain of the team to reach there in five minutes, and which, one can conclude, was the reason for his lasting no more than five minutes on the pitch in a crunch game.

Thankfully (or was it pre-planned by the Board? Perhaps we will never know) the next edition is in England and Wales, where our teams have had spectacular lack of success in the past, though a couple of teams in the past did buck the trend. A long series of matches has been scheduled just prior to the tournament, involving the home team and, for additional insurance, the other best team in the world (India is always one of the best teams; sometimes one of best four, sometimes one of best seven, sometimes one of best twelve). Matches will be scheduled on pitches that require skill and fitness. After this series against fast pitches and competent opposition before the Cup, whatever performance the team is able to put-up in the World Cup will be like manna from heaven.

The number of teams participating has been reduced to ten. Who can argue that even if the team involved is Afghanistan or Ireland, or even Fiji and Chile, who have never claimed to play cricket, for that matter, the possibility of defeat always looms, such glorious uncertainties is what the game of cricket is made up of. Gradually, the number of teams will be reduced in future editions, till we are left with two, one of them India. From then onwards, the winner will be decided based on the toss of a coin. If we lose…well, who can argue with the caprices of a coin.

Even management of supporters has not been left to chance. Selection policies have been updated to ensure that at least one of the major players has a girlfriend who is a well-known actress, so that knowledgeable fans know who to blame for the team’s poor performance.

In an inspired move, the selection committee has asked for the duration of T20 cricket’s India Premier League to be extended so that the top overseas players who participate in it can qualify to play for India and eliminate the problem of Indian players not performing overseas. There need to be teams and players overseas to lose to, stupid! In any case, it is a much more controllable and easier method to deliver results than the alternative, which is to get people to adopt fitness and sports as a way of life. 

Eagerly looking forward to the next World Cup.

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23 thoughts on “Advance preparation

  1. Coin toss to determine the winner is a great idea. If you lose, it means that luck just wasn’t on your side. But if you win, it’s only because all those years of hard work and practice have finally paid off.

  2. Since my only knowledge of Cricket is from the movie “Seducing Dr. Lewis” I am at a loss to appreciate your insightful analysis. I do, however, hear your sarcasm at points which is what you intended for me to hear, was it not?

  3. I do like a piece of subtle satire interspersed with some heartfelt and biting sarcasm. But what you left out was the need to get a few Australians to teach India the art of gross rudeness and boorishness in the face of a talented opposition. Unless , of course, you want to go down the Kiwi line of respect for the game and acknowledgement of the sportsmanship of the opposition.

    • That was the secret weapon. The Board is planning to hire Javed Miandad and Dennis Lillee to give the players some much-needed training on manners and soft-skills. Now they will be invincible 🙂

  4. Actually on a serious note cricket is played in many other countries. Did you know that the great Italian football club AC Milan is given that name because it was originally called the “Athletic and Cricket Club of Milan. Hence the AC.

    • That is certainly news. Interestingly, as kids, we occasionally used to play a version of cricket called “French cricket” where runs were scored by moving the bat around one’s body and getting hit on the legs was out; like bowled. Heard of that?

      • Heard of it? Of course I’ve heard of it. We played it all the time. And if you hit the ball the person who got the ball would bowl from there. Is that how you played?

      • That’s the one! And the stance was squarely facing the bowler, not sideways like in regular cricket, with the bat protecting the legs, which were the stumps. Oooh happy days 🙂

  5. I wonder if the synergies in the Indian team could have been enhanced. In the face of aggression our team needs to remain focused and calm in the mind. Maybe some EI training can be factored in the training :).

  6. Dhoni the Indian captain, is born with only one mission – to prove every critic ( including me ) wrong.

    How he manages to do it ?

    I have no idea.

    Give him an ordinary player, he turns him into a match winner.

    Jadeja and Raina should not be in the team but Dhoni somehow makes them click at the right moments.

  7. Probably true. However, the overseas record in Test matches under Dhoni is pretty awful. How the Indian team became No. 1 in test rankings a few years back without winning anything significant overseas (actually being thrashed repeatedly) is a mystery to me. All teams outside the sub-continent have less than 10% (some like New Zealand perhaps less than 1%) of India’s population. And they play many other sports. New Zealand has one of the best rugby teams in the world. Cricket is, by far, the most popular mass sport in India. Despite all this we are nowhere near being anywhere near the top. It is only occasional wins. That is the worry for me.

  8. Where are you? It’s late and the tide is going out. Have you started a telephone answering company that only deal with Australians who hang up as soon as an Indian voice asks for the time?

    • Thanks for looking me up. I hope the tide going out did not reveal my state 🙂 I have been giving myself the excuse of “work” for not writing. Got down to the task again yesterday after a long gap. Too long. BTW, is there a market for such a phone service? Looks promising. Thanks again!

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