Do unto others….

(Introduction: “Bachche” is a Hindi word which is equivalent to the English word “child”)

Manager A to Supervisor P, his team-member, on the phone: Bachche, what are you doing?

Supervisor P: Nothing much sir. Clearing up my emails.

Manager A: Can you come over to my workstation please, bachche?

Supervisor P: Of course. Be there right away.

Manager B, who was with Manager A when he spoke to the Supervisor, to Manager A: What are you doing? That’s no way to talk to a person, even if he is your team-member. Show him some professional respect at least.

Manager A: What do you mean? Of course I showed him respect. Did I not say “can you come over….please?”

Manager B: Not that. I mean you called him “bachche”. Isn’t it derogatory, calling him a child? After all, this is a professional relationship. And he is a qualified professional in a different role. Him reporting to you does not mean you should not show him professional courtesy.

Manager A: Don’t worry mate, you don’t understand. He likes it. It is like a term of endearment. He knows I am his senior, more qualified, more capable, hence he is happy to have me call him “bachche”. I think you should try it with your team-members. They will like it.

Thirty minutes later

The phone on Manager A’s workstation rings. Manager B is still with him as they were working on an issue together. Their common boss, the Senior Manager, is calling.

Manager A signals to Manager B to keep quiet by placing a finger on his lips, presses the speakerphone button and says: Yes sir?

Senior Manager to Manager A: Bachche, what are you doing?

Manager A: Just finishing the project discussion with Manager B.

Senior Manager: OK. As soon as you finish, can you please come over bachche?

Manager A, a little ruffled: Sure. Be over in ten minutes.

After disconnecting the phone, Manager A says to Manager B in an agitated voice: What does he think of himself? Is this any way to talk to a professional and a colleague? Just because he is senior to me and more qualified does not mean he can treat me this way. He needs to learn how to conduct himself professionally.

Manager B: But what did he say? I heard him on the speakerphone. I don’t think he said anything offensive.

Manager: Didn’t you hear him call me “bachche”?

Not my fault

Senior Manager A is with the CEO, for his annual appraisal.

CEO : So, how has the year been ?

Senior Manager A : Reasonable, I would say. Could have been much worse.

CEO : How long have you been in this role ?

Senior Manager A : Exactly a year.

CEO : That’s a good long stretch.

Senior Manager A : Yes and no.

CEO : Hmmm. Anyway let us begin. Firstly, your Net Profit has gone up and you are meeting the target numbers. Well done !

Senior Manager A : Thank you sir. You know how hard I have worked on this. It is a result of some key initiatives I was able to deploy during the course of the year that have yielded these results.

CEO : I see. But then your Revenue numbers have slipped. Both against last year and against the target for this year.

Senior Manager A : I know sir. The Sales Plan that was in place before I took over had a residual impact during the year which impacted on overall achievement.

CEO : I see. So you could implement hey initiatives to impact the Net Profit but you could not implement key initiatives to impact the Revenues.

Senior Manager A : No sir. It takes time to fix Revenue isues. Profitability reacts faster to tactical measures. I assure you that we will perform much better next year.

CEO : I am sure you will. Coming back to this year, the client survey done in the middle of the year of the year has shown a marked improvement over last year. That is a good sign.

Senior Manager A : Thank you sir. You know how hard I have worked on improving client perception. The survey results are on expected lines I would say.

CEO : I am glad you identify so closely with this measure.

Senior Manager A : I do sir.

CEO : On the other hand, the employee survey done around the same time as the client survey paints a fairly dismal picture of the internal work environment.

Senior Manager A : The policies practiced by the last Senior Manager, unfortunately, have had a trailing impact. We are working on it and I am sure the survey next year will have much better feedback from employees. You know how hard it is to change the work environment.

CEO, after a deep breath : I see. Thanks anyway for your inputs. I will let you know the final assessment in due course.

Senior Manager A, getting up : Sure sir. Thank you.

The CEO takes a bio break and calls Senior Manager B for his annual appraisal.

CEO : So, how has the year been ?

Senior Manager B : Reasonable, I would say. Could have been much worse.

CEO : How long have you been in this role ?

Senior Manager B : Exactly a year.

CEO : That’s a good long stretch.

Senior Manager B : Yes and no.

CEO : Hmmm. Anyway let us begin. Firstly, your Revenue has gone up and you are meeting the target numbers. Well done !

Senior Manager B : Thank you sir. You know how hard I have worked on this. It is a result of some key initiatives I was able to deploy during the course of the year that have yielded these results.

CEO : I see. But then your Net Profit numbers have slipped. Both against last year and against the target for this year.

Senior Manager B : I know sir. The Budget that was in place before I took over had a residual impact during the year which impacted on overall achievement.

CEO : I see. So you could implement hey initiatives to impact Revenue but you could not implement key initiatives to impact the Net Profit.

Senior Manager B : No sir. It takes time. I assure you that we will perform much better next year. Revenue reacts quickly to tactical measures. Profitability, on the other hand, is slow to react.

CEO : I am sure you will. Coming back to this year, the employee survey done in the middle of the year of the year has shown a marked improvement over last year. That is a good sign.

Senior Manager B : Thank you sir. You know how hard I have worked on improving employee conditions and perception. The survey results are on expected lines I would say.

CEO : I am glad you identify so closely with this measure.

Senior Manager B : I do sir.

CEO : On the other hand, the client survey done around the same time as the employee survey paints a fairly dismal picture of our standing in the marketplace.

Senior Manager B : The policies practiced by the last Senior Manager, unfortunately, have had a trailing impact. We are working on it and I am sure the survey next year will have much better feedback from clients. You know how hard it is to change perception in the marketplace.

CEO, after a deep breath : I see. Thanks anyway for your inputs. I will let you know the final assessment in due course.

Senior Manager B : Sure sir. Thank you.

Annual appraisal and increments – maximising value

Discussion to finalise annual increments

Manager : While I am in agreement with the overall guidelines of the company of an increment of 8% for the top 20% of my team, I would like to use managerial discretion, also permitted by the company, in a couple of cases.

Senior Manager : Which ones ?

Manager : The first is Peter. Though he has made it to the top 20% bracket, he has not performed well. In fact, on a couple of occasions his actions have cost the company financially. I would like to bring him down to 6%, in line with the next 40% of the team. At the same time, Paul has shown himself to be an outstanding performer right through. He is of immense value to the company. Though no individual is indispensable, his value is immense. I would like to up his increment to 10%.

Senior Manager : I agree with your decision to reduce Peter’s rating. It will also save the company money. I am, however, not in agreement with your proposal to increase Paul’s increment. I don’t think he has done anything special. Any employee in his position would have done what he has done. He should be grateful to the company for having been given this responsibility. Besides, giving additional increment costs the company money. In these times, a penny saved is a penny earned.

Manager : May be additional increment costs money. I daresay it will become a lot more expensive for the company if he decides to leave. And I think he is considering options.

Senior Manager : That’s an illogical argument. Employees cannot start holding the company to ransom by threatening to leave.

Manager : I fully agree sir. However, this is not a case of an employee holding the company to ransom. It is a question of fair reward for work done keeping in mind the marketplace realities.

Senior Manager : He will not go anywhere. Take my word for it.

Next week

Manager : Sir, Paul has given in his resignation today.

Senior Manager : What ? How did you not see this coming ? You are expected to know about the people working for you. If we had known in advance we could have done something, like an additional increment.

Manager : I did tell you when we were finalising the increments. I did recommend an additional increment for him of 10% which you shot down.

Senior Manager : Don’t make excuses. What will happen to the Project he was doing ?

Manager : It will continue. But we will need to rework the timelines. And hire someone in his place.

Senior Manager : Let us try to keep him back. How much increase is he getting in his new job ?

Manager : Not sure, but I believe about 12%. Senior Manager : He is important to the company. Offer him a 15% increase and retain him.

Manager : As you say sir. I hope you will fund the extra 5% cost that we are having to pay Paul, from your Budget !

Appraisal – good only if it is better

The annual performance ratings have been finalised and informed to individual employees. There is a mood of despondency in the office as people meander around the office like zombies complaining about the unfair rating they have been given. Everyone is talking to everyone else despite company guidelines clearly stating that an assessment rating is private to the individual and should not be shared with others.

Employee A to Employee B : This company is doomed if it continues its selfish and high-handed way of treating employees. I am going to quit the job. I put in so much hard work through the year and what do I get for it ? A paltry 8% annual increment. Just about enough to cover inflation. In a year when profits have been good.

Employee B : Hey, that’s not bad. You got away light. My increment is only 6%.

Employee A : Really ? Sorry to hear that.

Employee A continues meandering around the office.

Employee A to Employee C : Hello mate. How are you ? How do you feel about the appraisal ? I seem to have got a bit of a raw deal. My increment is 8%.

Employee C : Hey, that’s not bad. I must congratulate you. My increment is only 5%.

Employee A : Really ? Sorry to hear that.

Employee A continues meandering around the office.

Employee A to Employee D : Hello there. Looks like reasonable appraisals this year. I got a raise of 8%. Hope you got a decent one as well.

Employee D : Judge for yourself. Mine is 4%.

Employee A : Really ? Sorry to hear that. Better luck next year.

Employee A continues meandering around the office. By this time he is positively beaming and ready to spread good cheer around.

Employee A to Employee E : What a great company to work for. Never imagined a company could be so fair in annual assessments. Got an 8% hike, cannot believe it. Enough to beat inflation and put away some. I am an employee for life here.

Employee E : Good for you mate.

You can depend on me….

Of course I will be able to do it sir. You need not worry. I can do it with my eyes closed. With my hands tied.

The only situation that can prevent me from delivering, sir, is :

If the supplier does not provide the raw material in time.

If the material received is not of requisite quality.

If the Labour Unions of our staff decide to initiate Industrial Action before completion of the assignment.

If the power situation takes a turn for the worse and we are strapped for power.

If the machinery breaks down.

If employee attrition spikes up and we are not able to backfill in time.

If the Steering Committee responsible for taking decisions on the Project is either not able to meet or not able to reach timely decisions.

If I fall ill or run into a speeding truck.

If there is any manmade event like civil strife or industrial action that paralyses vast sections of the country.

If there is any unforeseen natural calamity like an earthquake or tsunami.

And, by the way, the above does not purport to be an exhaustive list.

Other than the above, I have the situation well under control. You need not worry. Thank you for showing confidence in me.

For your own good – Do my work

Friday evening

CEO to Senior Manager : What, you have not completed the analysis of last quarter’s Sales ? You had a whole week to do it. I need the analysis for my presentation on Monday morning.

Senior Manager to CEO : I am sorry sir. I know I had promised you the analysis by Friday day-end. Got so busy with the visiting client delegation over the last two days that I could not complete it. I did not want to delegate this work to anyone else. But rest assured sir, you will have it by Sunday evening, in a ready to present format. Once again, apologies for the delay.

Later the same evening

Senior Manager to Supervisor : Young man, I have chosen you from the group of some extremely smart young people who work for me to do an analysis on the Sales of last quarter. Unfortunately, the CEO and I need it by day-end tomorrow so that we can review it and include it in an important presentation to be made on Monday morning.

Supervisor : But sir, tomorrow is a holiday and I have some plans with the family.

Senior Manager : Its your call son. As you know, we were doing this for your own good. This is a recognition of your potential and could be a stepping stone towards higher responsibilities. But never mind, if you don’t want to do it, I will ask someone else.

Supervisor, after thinking : Sir, if you give me till Sunday morning I could do it on Saturday night.

Senior Manager : OK, this concession is only for you. The CEO is keen to see it by day-end tomorrow but I will explain to him. I will also tell him who the analysis was done by.

Saturday morning

The Senior Manager had a good game of golf with his friends this Saturday as well. He had no urgent Sales analysis to complete.

Logical argument wins the day, and ends the discussion

Today

Department Manager to his boss, the Senior Manager : Sir, I have studied the financial statement in detail. Our biggest cost is employee cost, which is obvious as we are in the services business. Almost all the employee cost is committed cost, which is written into the hiring contract of employees. The only discretionary expense, if I can call it that, is that of Transport, which we provide to everyone. That is not a part of the contractual terms. However, to save cost, if we take away the Transport facility, it could result in a huge backlash from employees as providing Transport is the norm in our industry. I don’t think there is any opportunity of reducing the employee cost.

Senior Manager to Department Manager : But we are one of the leaders in this industry (even though there are twenty other companies larger than us and growing faster we will ignore that fact). We have to set the pace for the industry. Others look up to us (I don’t believe this but am saying it for effect) to set standards and introduce the revolutionary new ideas that they can follow. Rest assured, what we do today will be replicated across the industry tomorrow. Have no fear. Implement the decision to withdraw Transport.

A few weeks later

Department Manager to the Senior Manager : Sir, our operations are seriously jeopardised on account of staff shortage. People are resigning and leaving in droves. And those who have not left are not turning up for work. We have no choice but to reinstate the Transport facility.

Senior Manager to Department Manager : This is total mismanagement. Why did you withdraw the facility without taking employee feedback ?

Department Manager to the Senior Manager : But, sir, you…

Senior Manager to Department Manager : No ifs and buts. Reinstate the facility immediately and apologise to them for your hasty and ill-timed action.

Two months later

Department Manager to Senior Manager : Sir, while the high attrition of two months back is coming down, it is still quite high. I have a suggestion for cost reduction. Instead of hiring graduates, we should hire under-graduates. They will be available for a lower salary. We can provide a little bit of training to make them ready. The additional cost of providing training will be more than offset by the saving on salary within three months.

Senior Manager to Department Manager : Hmmm. Worth considering. What are the attrition trends from this group in the industry ?

Department Manager to Senior Manager : No data available sir. This is a revolutionary new idea. Nobody in the industry has implemented it.

Senior Manager to Department Manager : Don’t be foolish, if it was such a good idea someone would surely have tried it by now.

Department Manager to Senior Manager : But sir, you said we are the leaders in the industry and….

Senior Manager to Department Manager : Shut up and go away.

For Your Own Good – Withdrawal of Transport Facility

Keeping your welfare in mind, the company has decided to withdraw the Transport facility of pick-up from home in the morning and drop back home in the evening that has so far been provided to all employees.

It has been noticed that obesity amongst employees is on the increase and has been causing intermittent health issues with a resultant impact on productivity.

Upon withdrawal of the Transport facility it is expected that employees will now have to walk to the nearest metro station, or stand in the sun and sweat while flagging down a Taxi, or drive to work. It is expected that these exertions will create a salutary impact on employee health. This will, at once, translate into less time off and improved productivity, allowing you to put yourself in a better position for taking on higher responsibilities when the time comes.

Not only that, lesser ailments means lesser strain on the nation’s medical infrastructure which, if you connect the dots, will indirectly benefit you through a lower requirement of tax contribution (there was an additional phrase after “tax contribution” in the original draft of the Circular but later deleted from the final version : “which is likely to happen only in the next generation”).

Hence, as you can see, we have only your welfare at heart in taking this decision. Not only are you more likely to get promoted, your tax contribution is also likely to come down. This has not been done either to reduce costs or increase the Bonus payout for the Directors because of improved profitability.

We are certain you will support the company’s policies, as you have always done in the past. As such, we have not wasted time in trying to get feedback, and instead have implemented it with immediate effect so that you can start reaping the benefits right away.

Voicemail of a Very Important Person

You have reached the Voicemail of a very important and busy person. You can leave a message if you so desire but you can rest assured that you will not receive a call back if you are lower than me in the Corporate hierarchy or are a person from whom I don’t immediately need something. God help you if you need something from me. Even if you hit paydirt and manage to reach me when I am bored enough to answer the phone on the fourteenth ring, I will make an excuse of being very busy and end the conversation. I might even promise to call you back but, if you haven’t already figured it out, I never will. Now, if you have nothing better to do, keep calling till your fingers hurt and your ears wither away from hearing the same message over and over again. Goodbye Unimportant person.

Art of misusing company resources – 1. Call urgent meeting

The Boss should call a meeting of his team, that is, of people who report to him.

The meeting needs to be designated as urgent so that people who need to attend have no choice but to drop whatever they are doing and rush for the meeting. This will permit the effort they had already put into the task to be wasted, requiring the task to be restarted from scratch.

Care should be taken that the subject of the meeting not be specified. This will create intrigue and interest and get people, who may have skipped the meeting if the subject did not pertain to them, to attend in the belief that something of importance for their area may also be discussed. Otherwise, some may have skipped the meeting and spent the time doing work.

The call for the meeting should be given at a time when a significant number of the intended participants are expected to be engaged in meetings with their own teams. This will create a powerful multiplier effect as many other meetings involving many other people will be disrupted.

Care should be taken that the Boss does not invite peers and seniors to participate. The Boss’ successful conduct of these meetings is likely to spark jealousy amongst peers leading to a campaign of misinformation against him.

In the meeting, the Boss could either sing the company song in chorus, announce the introduction of a new vendor in the cafeteria, give a sneak preview of the new policy on cars to be only parked backed-up in the office compound, or any other important and urgent matter, puff out his chest, and say that the CEO wanted that information to be personally disseminated by him to his team and that he would like each of the participants to “go forth” and do the same with their teams within the next two hours. He should then thank them for their participation and close the meeting.