You Asked For It

I broke out in a cold sweat as soon as I read the email:

“Your information has been updated

We have completed your request to change your address in our files from 999 Housing Society Name, Colony Name, GURGAON* to 999 Housing Society Name, Colony Name, GURGAOM*. If this is correct, you do not need to take any further action and can disregard this email.

*Note: In order to protect the security of your account, the complete address is not listed above.

If you did not request this address update, please call us immediately using the number on the back of your Card.

Thank you for your Card Membership.

American Express Customer Care”

Now, it has long been one of the many peeves of mine that I have not been hacked and whether I was not important enough to be targeted. But when it actually appeared to have happened, on 22^nd September, time-stamped 11:16 AM, I broke out in a sweat. A cold one too, before I forget.

It was thoughtful of the company to have not listed the complete address in order to protect the security of my account. I believe they compressed the air out of the address text since the address mentioned in the email is all that is needed for anyone to reach it, should they desire to. Never one to follow a good practice without a struggle, I masked the address.

Unless they are referring to their cleverness in changing the city from Gurgaon to Gurgaom. That should fool the hackers and information stealers.

But American Express is a thoughtful provider. They think of everything. Below the email they even mentioned:

“To Contact Us

Please do not reply to the email for any enquiries – messages sent to this address cannot be answered.

Kindly contact our Customer Service Representative on the numbers mentioned on the back of your card or alternatively you can write to us:

American Express Banking Corp.

Cyber City, Tower – C, Bldg. No 8, Sector 25

DLF City Ph II, Gurgaon – 122002

Thank you for using American Express Online Services”

Completely sensible. Sending an email to a customer and telling him that he cannot send an email back. He can either call a customer representative or send a physical mail (snail mail for those who cannot picture physical mail) to their thoughtfully provided address that they even had the presence of mind to not hide, thankfully signed off as ‘American Express Online Services.’ If you cannot send a physical mail to an online service, where will you?

But I ramble. I think it is the sense of relief after the call that I made as suggested by them. I made the call at 11:56 AM and it lasted 8 minutes and 37 seconds, the metadata to serve as breadcrumbs for retrieval in case American Express ever decided they are not happy with me.

The call was answered and I was politely advised that it could have been initiated by the KYC team.

After a moment of reflection upon receiving this immensely useful piece of information, I could only say, “Hmmm. So?”

The young man, to his eternal credit, remained unfazed. He returned in a few moments with another representative on the line, this time from the KYC team. His name was Saket. Saket said, “You don’t have to worry, sir. Based on your KYC (Know your customer) documents our back-office team did a realignment of your address. I think the city name was corrected.”

Upon more reflection I said, “’change your address in our files from 999 Housing Society Name, Colony Name, GURGAON* to 999 Housing Society Name, Colony Name, GURGAOM*’ sounds like you have changed it to Gurgaom. I believe the correct spelling is Gurgaon. I know political parties keep changing city names, but I have not heard of it changing to Gurgaom.”

“Don’t worry, sir. It was done by the backend team. You don’t need to do anything.”

“In that case, thank you for sending me this email asking me to call in case I had not initiated this address change request. Everyone’s time seems to have been put to some good use this morning as a result.”

“I am sorry for that sir. It is an automated process, you see.”

“Ah, automated process,” I said to myself and ended the call, as that explained everything. I could be faulted for believing that was the end of it. But was it?

A few minutes later, when I peeped into my inbox once more, there was another email sitting in my inbox from americanexpress@alerts.americanexpress.com, time-stamped 12:05 PM. I could feel the sweat, the cold one, beginning to form, as I clicked on it with trepidation. It said:

“Your information has been updated

We have completed your request to change your address in our files from 999 Housing Society Name, Colony Name, GURGAOM* to 999 Housing Society Name, Colony Name, GURGAON*. If this is correct, you do not need to take any further action and can disregard this email.

*Note: In order to protect the security of your account, the complete address is not listed above.

If you did not request this address update, please call us immediately using the number on the back of your Card.

Thank you for your Card Membership.

American Express Customer Care”

My faith in large corporations remains unshaken. As you can make out, their processes are pretty strong and can be repeated endlessly, even if there is no need for them. Once again, they seem to have pressed the air out of my address in order to protect the security of my account.

But I am in a quandary.

Does this qualify as a request that I made?

Should I call back immediately?

Have I just caused the initiation of an endless loop?

Call Control

Last week, I published Call Flow, a post about a real recent conversation with the Contact Centre of a big bank. An interaction that left me none-the-wiser and frustrated.

In order that more customers are not left dis-satisfied, I have made an attempt to modify the interaction to look like one that I would have enjoyed. I hope you enjoy reading it as well.

Voice on phone (VOP): Hello, am I talking to AM?

Me: Yes you are.

VOP: May I know your Date of Birth (DOB) please?

Me: Why do you need my DOB? Are you writing up my horoscope?

VOP: I am calling from TownBank. You called in a few days back and lodged a complaint.

This is the point at which the call segues into a delightful experience for the customer…

Me, in a cheerful tone: Now that you mention it, I did indeed. Thank you for reminding me. I hope you guys are spending hours of fruitless labour trying to dig-up irrelevant details about the transaction and some senior person is spending sleepless nights worrying about possible ramifications in case the issue becomes public.

VOP: (Silence. Possibly looking hither thither for supervisory support on the call. Or, feverishly churning the pages of the Training Manual to look for guidance on a suitable response.)

Me: Before I forget, can you please give me your DOB.

VOP, after a brief pause: DOB? Why do you need my DOB?

Me: It is a part of my verification process.

VOP, in a cautious, hesitant tone: What verification process?

Me: Shame on you. Does the bank not train you on the importance of verification for the purpose of security. Don’t you know I need to validate who you are and if, indeed, you are calling from, and representing Townbank. After all, you called me.

VOP: Bbbbut, I cannot tell you my DOB.

Me: Permit me the insolence to ask “Why not?” Is this the respect you have for verification processes of your customers?

VOP, slowly, separating each word out: Because this has not been covered in our process training. In fact, I have opened our Training Manual on the screen. Nowhere does it talk about what to do when a customer asks for your DOB.

Me, in a tone dripping with condescension : I sympathise with you. You may have been taught the difference between Current and Fixed Deposit accounts. You have perhaps been taught how to calculate interest. You have certainly been taught how to sell insurance policies not needed by a customer. But you have been not taught what to do when you are asked for your DOB. Tch Tch. But never mind. I can teach you that.

VOP, perking up: You can?

Me: Of course I can. Who do you think I am, anyway? I am a veteran customer of Townbank who has lived through hundreds of interrogations about his DOB, Dog’s name, Make of car, and many other pertinent questions for no apparent valid reason.

VOP, now sounding impatient: Then please do. I want to learn how to tell you my DOB.

Me: Of course you do. It is an essential life-skill in today’s world. Listen to me carefully now. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Slowly exhale. Open your eyes (this is a critical step before moving onto the next). Then get up and walk to the nearest coffee machine. Don’t pour yourself a cup of hot coffee. Now walk back to your workstation. Settle down and try to forget the aroma of coffee in the pantry. Then, shake yourself out of the stupor and tell me your DOB.

VOP, still cautious, and after a moment’s consideration: Thank you. That seems to be a simple enough process. I think I can handle it. Bbbbut, nobody has ever asked me for my DOB earlier.

Me, indignantly: You still have the impudence to tell me that? I cannot be held accountable for weak security practices of other customers of Townbank. You need to choose your customers with greater care.

VOP, grasping the lifeline: Yes sir, most certainly. I will convey this message to my seniors.

Me: Will you now tell me your DOB or do you leave me with no option but reporting you to your manager for failing to perform your assigned duties in a satisfactory manner?

VOP: Please don’t. I will do what you say.

Me: Tell me the name of your Manager, alongwith email ID and mobile no. please.

VOP: Sure sir.

Me: Why don’t you email it to me? And, while you are at it, please also send me a scanned copy of your appointment letter issued by Townbank.

VOP: Appointment letter?

Me: How the hell do you expect me to know that you are employed by Townbank?

VOP: Of course sir. I did not see that.

Me: And a letter signed by the HR Manager stating that you are still in the employ of Townbank.

VOP: Sure sir. I understand the need for that as well.

Me: Good. I am glad you are finally talking sense. Once you have sent me all that, you can call me back and tell me why you had called me in the first place.

Of course, we would not get to discuss my complaint about which he had presumably called. But I would be a more satisfied customer. What about you?

 

Call Flow

A few days back my mobile-phone rang.

Voice on phone (VOP): Hello, am I talking to AM?

Me: Yes you are.

VOP: May I know your Date of Birth (DOB) please?

Me: Is that why you have called? Are you writing up my horoscope?

VOP: No sir. I am calling from TownBank. You called in a few days back and lodged a complaint about a transaction on your Card.

Me: Look, I have gone through the Terms and Conditions listed on your website. Nowhere is it stated that a customer needs to provide his DOB while lodging a complaint about a transaction on the Card.

VOP: No, sir, you don’t need to provide your DOB while lodging a complaint.

Me: But you just asked me for it, didn’t you?

VOP: I did, sir, but that is not because you lodged a complaint.

Me: But you just said you are calling because I lodged a complaint. If that is not the reason, then why have you called me?

VOP: I did sir. I have called about the complaint you have lodged with the bank.

Me: There, I already told you so. In fact, you said so yourself not a minute back. Then why were you denying it?

VOP: I was not sir.

Me: Not what?

VOP: Not denying it.

Me: Not denying what?

VOP: Not denying that I called about the complaint you have lodged.

Me: Now that that is clear, I trust you don’t need my DOB.

VOP: I do, sir.

In an almost imploring voice, VOP said: Can you now please tell me your DOB?

I resisted the temptation to rush back to the “Look, I have gone through the Terms…” part of the loop. Instead, in a conciliatory tone, I asked: But, why do you want my DOB?

VOP: That is our process sir. For security purpose we need to verify we are talking to the right person.

Me: But you called me, didn’t you?

VOP: Yes sir.

Me: Why did you call me on this number?

VOP: Because that is your number available on our records.

Me: If that is the case, why do you need to verify?

VOP: That is our process sir. It has been honed over years of frustrating and unproductive customer interactions in over a hundred countries. (The second sentence I heard but he did not say).

Me: But no other bank asks me for this information when they call.

VOP: We cannot be responsible for weak security practices of other banks.

Me: What if I don’t give you my DOB?

VOP: I am afraid I will not be able to share an update regarding your complaint.

Now, I am a reasonable man. When in a situation where I have no way out, I promptly climb down from the high moral ground, which is what I did in this case. After all, what was the point in preventing the caller from doing his job.

I gave him my DOB, my anniversary date , my home address, the make of my car, my dog’s name and the number of clubs in my golf-set, in rapid succession.

VOP: Thank you, sir. This call is to update you that we are looking into the issue and will respond soon.

Good thing I shared my personal information when I did. I would have been deprived of the update otherwise.