Ceasefire

Taking to his social media website around 8 am in Washington DC, the President wrote, “After a long night of talks mediated by us, I am pleased to announce that the residents of Ivory and Heights have agreed to a FULL AND IMMEDIATE CEASEFIRE. Congratulations to both buildings on using Common Sense and Great Intelligence. Thank you for your attention to this matter! Long live residents of The Retreat!”

A loud roar went up in the residential complex as the residents of 388 apartments clapped in unison with some even banging utensils, a recently learned habit. They had all seen the message at the same time. It was imminent and only a matter of time before the President stepped in. After all, as tensions flared, the Vice President had clearly said a day back that the US was not going to get involved in an argument that’s “fundamentally none of our business.”

In a post on X soon after, the Secretary of State – who spoke to the Treasurer from Ivory and Secretary from Heights earlier in the day – echoed the President and said the two buildings have agreed to an immediate cessation of hostilities.

He said that while the immediate danger had been averted, both buildings had to be careful so that World War 3 did not get triggered by their irresponsible actions. Both the buildings were heavily armed with people who had time on their hands. They were given to farting, loudly and uncontrollably, at the slightest provocation, such as not being allowed to speak in a meeting or not receiving a response to their liking. This mass flatulence, he explained, had triggered their nuclear sensors which interpreted it as a radiation leak and activated the countdown to the nuclear button. Thankfully it was averted in the nick of time.

To satisfy the curiosity of admirers at this turn of events, the President clarified that Ivory and Heights had also agreed to start talks on a “broad set of issues” at a neutral location likely to be The Patio Club. He commended the leaders of Ivory and Heights on their “wisdom, prudence, and statesmanship in choosing the path of peace.”

The leaders of Ivory and Heights, listening to POTUS while watching the news on TV together, looked at each other and asked through hand and eye signals, “toone bulaya tha kya usko?” (did you invite him here?)

They dismissed POTUS’ claims of brokering a ceasefire and stated that the ceasefire has been reached directly. POTUS, meanwhile, stepped up and took further credit for the common message issued by the two buildings which, according to him, had happened for the first time in their history, and was a direct result of his intervention. He praised the “strong and unwaveringly powerful” leadership of the two buildings for agreeing to the ceasefire.

Whether someone had invited him or not, when POTUS solves something, it stays solved.

Like controlling inflation and making America affordable again.

Like ending the Russia and Ukraine war.

Like tariffs…OK that is a long story, we will keep it for another time.

But admirers are admirers. They want more.

But POTUS was prepared. Fresh after a day spent sleeping, and fresh for more action at night, he said that his commitment to solving the problems of the two buildings remains unshaken. He understood that there were some fundamental differences between the two buildings, such as what colour of brown to use for the stripes on the building exterior, one having a ramp and the other not having it, one with basement parking and the other making do only with surface parking, one being further away from the Mother Dairy outlet and the other being further from the grocery store, and so on.

Above all, he offered to work with them over the issue of the club, which had undermined their relationship ever since they came into being, a “thousand years” back. And, as a consequence (of what he did not say), he will “increase trade substantially” with both of these great buildings because “it felt right.” In short, they could count on him for support, especially when they did not want it.

“Too much time and too little to do,” the President remarked to the Vice President, in a more relaxed tone, as the evening yielded to the enveloping darkness of night.

“I believe the idiom is ‘too much to do and too little time,’” the VP remarked.

“You idiot.”

“Not idiot, idiom. I said idiom.”

“And I said idiot. You idiot.”

The VP could only smile sheepishly.

Realizing he had been needlessly harsh, the President asked in a conciliatory tone, “So, what shall we solve tonight?”

The VP said, “I believe a dispute has erupted between Haryana and Punjab over water sharing from the Bhakra Beas Management Board (BBMB). Haryana wants more water while Punjab opposes releasing extra water to Haryana, citing its own needs and existing water levels.”

“But, both in India, right? They can solve their internal issues.”

“But the state governments are run by different political parties.”

“Is that so? That is promising. But, have they asked for our help?”

“Not that I know.”

“Come on my friend. Show some signs of life. We have to solve another burning global issue tonight.” There was a spring in his step and a glint in his eye as he moved to his work table.